How much do you know about women's mating behavior?

This educational content is designed to help you get the most out of your intimate relationships. By "relationship" we mean the dating, mating, and sex game -- that fun activity we spend so much energy on!

Researchers have confirmed that both women and men absorb beneficial chemicals from each other. Over 200 chemical compounds have been identified that can be exchanged between couples as a vapor or liquid. These have evolved to be supportive to the couple in surviving with better health and creating more offspring.

Many of the chemicals are exchanged through the nose of each individual as they sleep together. Also many chemicals are exchanged when they engage in sex. Most of the chemicals enhance the health of each partner and stimulate attraction and fertility.

Research has shown that women have the better nose for detecting such chemicals and exhibit the most physiological benefits. Women who suddenly start sleeping alone, after sleeping with a healthy man for a long period, frequently experience a downturn in their health. Most often their menstrual cycle becomes erratic. This can happen also when the male sleeping partner's health suddenly deteriorates.

This phenomena of mutual support for good health and fertility is a positive result of evolution and is in our DNA. Those women who do not have a good nose for picking up these beneficial chemicals, or they cannot sleep with a healthy man, are more likely to suffer poor health. The women who have the most active noses and sleep with a healthy man are more likely to have good health and produce healthy offspring to pass on this trait in their DNA.

During courting, a woman is unconsciously watching for signs of how good of a protector and provider the man is. She needs to know if he will stick around to take care of her and the offspring after the initial fun is over. One of the things women watch in men is their body language because it reveals men's unconscious feelings toward women.

Courtship involves numerous subtle behaviors, and many are nonverbal body language cues. Women are much better at reading these cues than men. During the man's courting, the woman watches for how attentive, protecting, stimulating, calming, and caring the man is at all times. Every woman needs reassurance that the man really likes and values her, and that he is not going to just use her for his own pleasure then abandon her.

What a woman is really looking for in a future life-mate are these things:

• Current Resources and Economic Capacity. Women look for how much territory, tools, and resources a man commands and how willingly he is to share them with her and her offspring.
• Social Status, Self-confidence, and Ability to Take Care of Himself and His Family. Women are attracted to power and high status in men because it is a cue to the control of resources and protection. Women shun men who are easily dominated by other men and who have difficulty surviving in today's materialistic world.
• Dependability and Stability. These two important characteristics imply that the man will share his resources and continue reliably protecting and caring for the family in all future unforeseen circumstances.
• Size, Strength, and Age. A large and strong male body can provide protection for the family.
• Health, Cleanliness, and Overall 'Upkeep' of His Body. Good health is essential for producing healthy offspring and for a trouble-free, long term relationship with her and the offspring.

During prehistory times before "love", fidelity, and marriage, women traded men sex for food and shelter. In turn, men traded food and shelter for sex with the women. Is it much different today?

Today's women are driven by BOTH their old brain DNA primal instincts PLUS their educated and logical thinking in their "new brain" frontal lobes. Educated and "street wise" women today who can take care of themselves can afford to be very picky in selecting a mate. They don't need to trade sex for food and shelter because they can take care of themselves generally. In most western countries men must work really hard at courting a woman to be considered seriously as a possible mate to an independent modern woman.

For eons women have developed an extraordinary ability to evaluate men to see how sincere, honest, and close a man's relationship really is with them. Most women will look for, and catch, the tiniest things a man does that reveals if he is inconsiderate, selfish, and does not value her and the relationship with her. Women get much of their information about men by watching men's body language. Women quietly remember each personal violation and keep score!

Men don't need, care about, or watch for the same tight relationship connections with everyone. Men are not as good as women are at reading and displaying body language, especially about relationships. Having close relationships throughout history usually meant men were obligated to take care of others. So close relationships were a liability. Even dating today can expose a man to obligations he does not want. (Most guys just want to eat, have sex, and go to sleep! They want to forget about that relationship stuff!)

Women are attracted to men who acquire and control abundant resources. The woman's hope is that he will help her and her offspring survive. This is true consciously even in women not planning on having children. However, women's natural biological purpose is to raise children. In women's DNA is a need for protection and help during pregnancy and child rearing for many years. Historically, women have relied on men for protection and to help make a home for her and the children. So woman look for a mate who will be a good protector and provider.

Interestingly on surveys, women's desire for a "good looking" man is quite low on the list of desired traits. The most desired traits women of all ages desired in a man were those traits proving he had resources and that he would be nurturing and protective over the long term. Men's body language reveals a lot about how they feel about who they are with - and women are always watching that.

It appears that both women's and men's DNA programming does not change after the childbearing years. Women always go for the man with power, resources, and who is nurturing and protective. Men always go for the fertile, young, and healthy females. This has caused great stress between men and women throughout history.

Dating and courting allows the woman time to evaluate each man so she can select the best one. During courting, a woman is unconsciously watching for signs of how good of a protector and provider the man is. She will try to avoid picking a guy who just uses her and leaves after the initial fun is over. Much of what women watch in courting men is the man's body language.

Social scientists have consistently found that married individuals (and those living together long-term) have better psychological and physical well-being than those who are single, or who are in a bad relationship.

People who remain unhappily married suffer with low self-esteem, poor health, unhappiness, and stress in contrast to those couples in long-term happy marriages. Unhappily married people may have an opportunity for improving their health and happiness by dissolving their low-quality relationship.

The main goal in dissolving the union should be to do it in a way that is least vengeful and emotionally upsetting to both parties. That probably requires help from counsellors, as well as other professionals, plus an optimistic attitude that life is going to improve better than ever before, after the dust settles. Life is about making choices.

For eons body language has proven to be our most reliable indicator of how others felt about us. For millions of generations, body language was one of our best tools for successful survival and mating. Since humans learned to speak, we have switched to paying more attention to verbal messages and frequently ignore body language messages. This is unfortunate because all unconscious body language messages are accurate and truthful. When two people are relating to each other, the body language messages reveal how each person really feels about the other from minute to minute.

Body language comes from reflex responses deep in the limbic system part of the old brain. Most unconscious body language deals with safety, survival, and passing-on our genes to future generations (i.e. getting sex). Habitual body language that worked for survival and mating has been perfected and repeated for millions of generations. Women today are still using much of the same body language to attract men that their ancient ancestors used. Woman are still using body language cues to evaluate men for possible mates, although they may do it unconsciously.

Female body language is primarily used to get a man's attention because men are hunters and very visually oriented. Women know this, so tossing their hair around, stroking and combing it, and generally moving it away from face and shoulders to expose soft bare skin are strong signals that women use to attract men's attention.

Female flirting body language is generally movements of opening clothing and exposing bare skin or touching her hair. Flirting female body language to attract a man is always sexual because women know what men want. The message in female flirting body language is this: "I am female, healthy, sexual, open to you coming closer and I won't resist." Her smile says, "I won't hurt you."

Another effective preening move men enjoy watching is for a woman to do things calling attention to her mouth. Licking her lips, putting on lipstick, or eating something slowly with obvious great pleasure is stimulating to men. Just watching her mouth makes men hungry for the smell and taste of all of her stimulating and delicious pheromones.

Slowly crossing or uncrossing her legs while gently stroking her thigh is unmistakable flirting body language. Another great move is for her to adjust clothing with loosening, opening or exposing movements to call attention to her body. If she is clever, she exposes some bare skin in the process. This is where the guy accidentally misses his mouth and pours his drink in his lap while trying 'not to look'.

The brief touch will appear casual, unpremeditated and 'accidental' rather than 'serious'. It may be a touch on the arm as she laughs at something he said, or it may be a pat on the back as a symbolic gesture of 'good job' after he tells a joke. In any case, the touch is not accidental! Her strong DNA flirting program is saying to him, "I feel safe with you and I want you to come emotionally and physically closer." And consciously, or perhaps totally unconsciously, she will be waiting for a reply to her daring nonverbal flirting body language invitation. The man's reply to her invitation should be a return touch similar and equal in duration and pressure.

A woman's first casual touch on the man, followed immediately by his proper reply, opens the door for both to come emotionally and physically closer for a lot more fun! This moment is a giant leap forward in the relationship. The natural course of action from then on is to increase the frequency and quality of the touch as they explore each other emotionally and physically.

Touching is highly programmed into our old mammalian brain core and limbic system which comes from our animal ancestors even farther back than vertebrates. Touch encodes a primordial sense of closeness. The way a touch is given communicates easily and instantly, because the touch sensors deliver the message directly to many parts of the brain. Tactile messages are some of the brain's most real and reliable forms of relating to others.

Touch is one of the most important and enjoyable activities in flirting, dating, and relationships. You can learn a great deal from the first physical contact with a new acquaintance. His or her touch actually probes beneath casual words to true feelings. Touching another's body is the evolutionary true test of the relationship status. Since there are so many tactile nerve sensors connected directly to the brain, touching is one of the most meaningful and pleasurable experiences shared between two people.

Studies have suggested that women can use odor cues to select males who will increase chances for a healthy offspring. In 1995, Claus Wedekind of the University of Bern in Switzerland asked a group of women to smell some unwashed T-shirts worn by different men. The women were able to sniff the shirts and reject (said they were "offensive") those shirts worn by males closely related to themselves. The women were attracted to clothing that was worn by males with a very different immune system than their own. Presumably, this difference in immune systems allows the male and female to combine their defenses and give their offspring the best chances for survival. This research was repeated in the U.S. and Brazil with similar results. Men's nose is not so selective.

The overall unconscious "old-brain" influence when women talk to both men and women is to establish a good relationship to insure safety, protection, and survival. This is the way women have had to operate for millions of generations in order to insure the continuation of their DNA into future offspring. Prehistoric life was very dangerous and survival was a primary concern, especially to women. Good relationships helped women survive.

Relationships are built on communication, and historically this was by talking face-to-face. Unfortunately, men and women talk differently and that often prevents good communication. When men talk, their "old-brain" DNA programming is striving for higher status and dominance over all other males so they can have greater access to females for breeding rights. This is the way men insured the continuation of their DNA into the future for millions of generations. Men still frequently talk in ways to display their dominance. This attempt at dominance is also revealed in men's body language.

Some differences between the way women and men talk:

• Women stick to one topic for a long time until all present have added their comments and feelings on that subject before moving to the next subject. Men want to express their own opinion and not hear the opinion of others. Men want to have the final word, especially with women.
• In decision making, women seek the input of all the other women present and make decisions based on the consensus of all present. Men try to make the final ruling, no matter what others think.
• In decision making, women prefer a group decision. Men want to show their high status by making their own decisions without input from others.
• Women reveal their feelings, private lives and relationships easily. Men hardly ever do! That would show their weaknesses and lower their status as a dominate male (in their mind).

Nearly everyone lies when it serves a need. In many cases we lie to protect a person's feelings, such as: "You look so much thinner since you cut down to only 5 hamburgers a week." We also lie periodically to avoid doing something we don't want to do, such as: "I can't go shopping with you because I have to take care of some important personal business." We also lie to increase our importance, such as: "I could have won the award but I didn't try so the little girl could win."

Women often lie to make others feel good. (That is a relationship need.)

Men often lie to make themselves look good. (That is a status need.)

Women who do not want a man's advances, and do not want him to approach, will quickly disconnect eye contact and look to their LEFT or RIGHT. They will not look down if they want to be left alone. Quickly looking left or right means they are not interested and definitely are not going to be passive if approached.

They often also turn their upper body away. At their deep unconscious level they are hiding their breasts from view and saying, "You can't see that I am a woman. Do not approach me." Any clueless guy approaching a woman sending these negative body language cues is setting himself up for a harsh and painful rejection!

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