How much do you know about men's sexuality?

This educational content is designed to help you get the most out of your intimate relationships. By "relationship" we mean the dating, mating, and sex game -- that fun activity we spend so much energy on!

These erections occur during the Rapid Eye Movement (REM) stage of sleep that everyone goes into for a period of time several times each night. During the REM sleep stage we normally dream, but seldom can recall the dreams after awakening. If a dream is recalled, it is usually the dream in the last REM stage just before awakening.

Sometimes men have dreams about having sex during one of the REM stages and actually ejaculate. This is known as a "wet dream" and is common practice in young men not sexually active yet. Wearing pajamas or shorts to bed helps minimize the sticky mess! Masturbating frequently also minimizes the laundry.

Wet dreams are normal for younger men and women. They happen most often when the body is not getting release from the hormonal build up of the teen years or sudden "dry spells" in sexually active for all aged individuals.

Teen girls and young women also sometimes have wet dreams, but they are not as messy as for guys.

Wet dreams have nothing to do with being gay or straight. Sex dreams resulting in orgasm with your sister, mother, animals, teacher, or the weird old lady down the street are nothing to worry about. Most likely these dreams come from many simultaneous levels of your subconscious mind, with a little sexual release thrown in. These weird dreams don't mean you secretly want to do these things.

Masturbation sometimes puts a stop to frequent wet dreams, and can be less messy. There is no reason to ever feel guilty about having a wet dream, they are subconscious and can not be easily controlled or manipulated. (However, lots of masturbation may keep the tank empty so it doesn't explode at night. At least it is a good excuse to do it!)

Masturbation is not harmful, it feels good, it is free of disease, and costs nothing. It doesn't lead to any deformity of the penis nor does it affect the ability to achieve or sustain an erection. Contrary to the ancient belief, it does not make hair grow in your palm or cause blindness. More good news is that it keeps the prostate and related tissue exercised and functioning. Masturbation should be seen as "a handful of pleasure". "Use it or lose it."

However, historically some ill-informed (and up-tight) people have found reasons to make others feel guilty for pleasuring themselves or their partner with this natural and labor-saving sexual technique. One of their excuses is that "man's seed" is sacred. This may have come down from our ancient tribal days when it was important to build the tribe population, and a "shot in the weeds" did nothing to help increase the tribe size.

In the hierarchy of needs, in most men the drive for sex is right there next to the drive to survive. This drive is the main reason we humans, and the animals, have not become extinct during millions of generations living with predators and during ice ages. Nearly all of our DNA sequence is about sex and survival in order to make more copies of DNA in offspring. Some researchers have said it appears that all we are is a meat and bones machine to make more DNA!

The unfortunate fact (at least for men) is that women do not have the same high drive for sex all their life. One research has determined that only 20% of women age 50 have the same sex drive as they did at age 30.

From ages twenty to thirty-five, men tend to masturbate less and have fewer wet dreams. If married for a number of years, by then sex often is done mechanically to just get the "pressure off" and relax before going to sleep. Men in this 20 -35 age group begin to notice that their penises are not as hard as they once were, and require more direct stimulation to get hard. Around ages forty to fifty, a man may require considerable direct stimulation, and his erection may not be as firm as before, and may soften in the middle of the task. Some women mates like the change in their "raging stud" because now he takes longer to be satisfied. His timing and endurance are frequently more in tune with his woman mate at this age.

As men reach their fifties through seventies, they require more mental arousal to get an erection. It takes longer to ejaculate, and men find they don't need to ejaculate every time. Semen may seem to seep out rather than "shoot out." These changes are normal bodily aging processes. However, the penis and the rest of the body never lose their capacity for giving and receiving pleasure!

There are many men who can't "get it up" for the action that is envisioned in their brain. Estimates are about 5% of 25 year old men and 15% to 25% of 65 year old men suffer from erectile dysfunction (ED) (also called impotence). There is no shortage of desire, the problem is that the "machinery" just won't go to work. (Of course men have always known that their "love rod" always had a mind of its own. It has been said that men only have enough blood in their body to operate one head at a time.)

It may be unfortunate that men's sex drive doesn't drop off with age. The sex drive in men is always present and starts in the head. However, all too often the body has degenerated to the point of being physically incapable of doing much of anything. Even when parts of the brain are destroyed by Alzheimer's Disease the interest in sex often remains strong, and often is displayed inappropriately in public.

An unfortunate pattern in care facilities for the elderly is the frequent inappropriate display of sexual attraction by men toward the female staff. The elderly men are often mentally incapacitated for logical thinking but their DNA instincts drive them to try to do what they did as teenagers. Elderly women with incapacitated logical thinking often let their DNA instincts drive them to caring for a doll, as if it were there own baby. This is a sad scene but it is interesting to see how strongly breeding and child rearing is imprinted in the human DNA. It appears to be one of the last drives to go.

Nicotine uses the same part of the brain that puts the pleasure in sex and eating, the mid-brain dopamine neurons. But smoking fools the brain into growing extra nicotine receptors on those neurons so that a person will want more and more nicotine. There is a strong link between smoking and difficulties having an erection. In one study it was shown that just two cigarettes could cause softer erections in male smokers. The research showed that 40 percent of men affected by impotence were smokers, as opposed to 28 percent of the general male population. If nicotine can restrict blood flow and cause erectile dysfunction in men, it can be assumed that blood flow is restricted in women as well, and may have a negative effect on sensation.

Nicotine is a vasoconstrictor, meaning it tightens blood vessels and restricts blood flow. In the long term, it has even been shown to cause permanent damage to arteries. Since a man's erection depends on blood flow, smoking affects erections negatively.

Forget the expensive perfumes girls! You can just rub a little of the dinner left-overs on yourself before he picks you up for the date. Don't forget, men are carrying DNA from millions of their male ancient ancestors who were hunters. It seems understandable that the smell of some foods would trigger arousal in men's old brain limbic system. Why men get sexually aroused by food smells doesn't have an explanation. For men it is safe to guess that men just don't need a reason to get sexually aroused.

There is more information on how important smell is in relationships here.

Most men think about sex and have fantasies often any time and any where. It is built into their DNA to be on the lookout for sexual opportunities at all times. When they can't find it in real life they create successful sexual encounters in their imagination. Even during real sex they often create exaggerated sexual fantasies of what they are doing.

Men's fantasies are usually very visual scenes because men are visually stimulated. Women are not so visual and their fantasies are different, usually involving romantic complex scenarios with forbidden sex and submission.

Don't feel guilty about your fantasies, they add spice to a normal and not too exciting sex life.

A typical ejaculation fills up about one teaspoon but the actual amount is determined by a man's age: younger men usually make more. Each teaspoon has about 5 - 7 calories and approximately 100 - 200 million sperm. Since sperm make up only about 1 percent of semen, they don't count much as calories. The other ingredients include: (Not in order of amount or calories.)

• Fructose sugar
• Water
• Ascorbic acid (a.k.a., vitamin C)
• Citric acid
• Enzymes
• Protein
• Phosphate and bicarbonate buffers to neutralize the acidic vagina juices.
• Zinc

One might notice that semen can also change in consistency and appearance minutes after leaving the penis. This happens because proteins contained in semen can cause it to become thick, sticky, and clumpy. This helps increase the chances for fertilization. Thick semen stays high in the vagina and does not run right out of it until a bit later. However, this phenomena depends greatly on the man's diet, health, and age.

Kissing is a physical activity that affects both the old brain limbic system and the new brain cerebral cortex. The old brain is where heart rate, breathing, perspiration and many other bodily functions are controlled. Most of these functions are devoted to survival and sex. This old brain center is revved-up by a kiss and starts unconscious preparations for the body to have sex.

Most men expect that kissing will lead to sex but women generally consider kissing as relationship building. Women like kissing before, during, and after sex. Men use kissing to get sex then like to go to sleep after they have dumped their load!

A kiss most likely causes the female new brain cognitive centers to think about the romantic beauty of the moment and significance of the relationship at this point. The male new brain is most likely thinking about how good the female will look and feel naked!

Many men learn their tactics from pornography, TV, or movies, but these are based on pure fantasy. Men use a repertoire of love-making tactics that please themselves and think that will please the women. Since most women fake most of their orgasms, that says something about men's tactics not necessarily being the best for women.

Traditionally, women's role (as taught by males in positions of power throughout history) is to try to please the man, and to place their own needs last. Only in very recent times has the women's movement for equality between the sexes pointed out the errors and unfairness in this past traditional thinking.

Progressive and sensitive "new age" men who were willing to discuss and compare their sexual needs with women have learned the errors of their ways. Here are some of the differences for women when it comes to satisfying sex.

• Women need more factors than men for arousal. The environment and the quality of relationship with the man are major factors.
• Most women need a longer time than men to get turned on.
• Men enjoy thrusting deep but women have no nerves for good feelings beyond the first one-third of the way in. All that male huffing, puffing, and thrusting is lost on the woman, and may even hurt her. In many cases she is only an observer to the man's dramatics and she appropriately fakes an orgasm for his benefit.
• Most women need more stimulation on their clitoris to have an orgasm than men provide with any part of their body. The penis does a poor job of providing the necessary rubbing and pressure on the clitoris to bring the woman to climax.

Surveys reveal that for the majority of women the foreplay is seldom long and stimulating enough to fully arouse them. (Guys, read that again!) The majority of men reach their peak arousal quickly and release their load before the woman gets very far out of the starting gate. Surveys reveal that women fake 3 out 4 climaxes.

At least frequent sex is more fun than not eating! How many calories you're burning during sex really depends on many factors. There are an estimated 100 calories burned during 30 to 45 minutes of hot sex but it varies widely among couples. If you are one of those 3 minute guys, forget about loosing any weight! There are probably a zillion times more calories burned in men chasing after women trying to get sex.

The biggest factor is length of time spent in the sexual activity and how much physical exertion is expended. Since many of the major body muscles are not working much during sex, there are few calories burned. Calories and fat are only burned in muscles, mostly in the large leg, arm, and trunk muscles. Your "joy tool" is not a muscle!

Sex does little as a cardio workout. Although you may be breathing heavily during sex, that doesn't necessarily mean your heart rate is up. Heart rate during sex has more to do with hormones and what's going on with your nervous system.

So forget using sex as a weight loss plan and just enjoy it for a stress reducer.

There is no such thing as male menopause where the man stops making his sexual reproductive hormones and sperm. In female menopause the woman's ovary runs out of eggs and her chemistry for reproducing changes dramatically.

As men age their chemistry production changes slowly, generally with decreased amounts of reproductive hormones and sperm still measurable until death.

Your skin is your largest pleasure organ and can receive stimulating signals in several ways, including pressure, heat, rubbing and gentle scratching. It also releases pheromones that taste and smell delicious to the opposite sex.

Your skin is a wonderful pleasure organ! The right touch, stroke or pat can trigger off wonderful feelings as the brain releases dozens of different hormones that instantly go into the blood. In different parts of the body the hormones start actions preparing the body for more action. Remember that these bodies we are driving around the planet have at their deepest level two primary goals: (1) survive and (2) find a mate and make more little bodies. Nature's way to get us to do that chore is to make it feel really really good and a whole lot of fun! Our skin is the primary contact surface of our body where the pleasurable sensations of another body can be felt.

Penis width is more important than penis length for women's sexual satisfaction. Women get their most satisfying stimulation in the first couple of inches inside their vagina and on most of the area outside it, especially the clitoris above the entrance. Much of this area can be stimulated (but often isn't) by pressure and "grinding" of the man's pelvis bone.

A survey of over 50,000 heterosexual men and women found 85 per cent of women were satisfied with their partner's penile size. Interestingly, only 55 per cent of men were satisfied with their penis size. Many men have real anxiety about their "manhood" and status as a alpha male when they have an average size penis.

Multiple orgasms have been reported by some men for thousands of years. Taoist teachings on sexuality that go back farther than that give explicit instruction for men on how they can experience multiple orgasms. Western sex researchers have found clear physiological evidence that it happens. It seems having multiple orgasms is not a natural skill but can be learned.

Learning to have multiple orgasms requires time and practice. (How is that for a new hobby?) Also, multiple orgasms means that you are having a series of non-ejaculatory orgasms, so while they aren't necessarily better or worse, they are definitely different than the kind of orgasms you may be used to experiencing. The big difference is that you will have to learn to control ejaculation.

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