FAQ's on Touching in Flirting and Love-making

The two strongest drives in our old brain limbic system and DNA are to survive and to reproduce offspring. Evolution over millions of generations selected for these traits in our ancient ancestors. Those ancestors who lacked these basic drives to survive and reproduce did not pass-on their genes in offspring. Those ancestors with the strongest survival and sexual needs made the most babies to carry their DNA forward. We are the accumulated results of millions of experiments in what worked best for our ancestors to survive and to make more babies.

Touch sensors all over our body are wired directly to many areas in our brain, bypassing our conscious thought centers. Pinch us and we don't need to think before pulling away. Touch is one of our most valuable and protective survival systems. It is efficient, effective and always alert.

Touch is one of our best systems for identifying a safe mate. When lovers touch, each is always subconsciously sensing the relationship status. If all the signals indicate safety, then the old brain limbic system turns on all the body systems for sex and making a baby. That is what worked best in millions of our ancestors for survival.

One of the most rewarding skills people dating, courting, and mating can learn is how to touch lovingly. Women have the advantage because they have developed and practiced their nurturing touch with their babies for millions of generations. Men have not had much practice touching so their touch is more geared to busting rocks or other men's heads. Men have the most to learn about using their hands to lovingly stroke, caress, rub, and gently squeeze their mate's sensitive body areas.

Immediately after a session of hot sex the entire body's touch sensors are hypersensitive. This is a great time to increase bonding by gently rubbing and stimulating the skin of your partner and yourself. The continued stimulation of your body's touch sensors will release more oxytocin, the bonding hormone. This is most effective for women as they have seven times more oxytocin receptors than men.

• Hand-holding. This is one of the most common ways that couples can be physically connected in public skin-to-skin. This is especially nice because the hands and fingers have large numbers of nerves sensitive to temperature and pressure. Much information is passed directly to many areas in the brain about the status of the relationship just by holding hands. The messages sent to each other minute-by-minute are instantly read and leave a lasting impression about how the relationship is progressing. With a little concentration and directed hand squeezes and rubs a woman can turn-on her man without anyone ever noticing.

• Arm Lock. Walking side-by-side with her arm through his is less intimate than hand-holding but still shows a close relationship attempt. This position may or may not involve skin-on-skin contact. It is much less stimulating with cloth breaking the contact, but it still feels good. The main message conveyed by her message to him is, "I need you to support and protect me, and I trust you." Men love this message because it makes them feel strong and masculine.

• The secret personal touch. When things are getting slow and boring between a guy and gal, she can get his attention instantly by an under-the-table light scratch with her nails on his thigh. The closer to "home base", the better. The message here (at least the way he will read it) is, "I'm feeling like an animal in heat and can't control my lust for you. Let's get out of here and I'll rip your clothes off!" (Or something like that!)

• The private message of desire. When things are getting boring at a gathering, lean over and whisper in his ear that you would like to go somewhere else to be alone with him. Insure that this is done so that your soft bare cheek touches his and your hot panting breath goes in his ear. Also, hopefully your hair will swish across his face and drown him with your girly pheromones. Each of these sensations will add up to an instant turn-on for him!

• The private ass grab. This is a move that triggers off a guy's lower body machinery instantly because it is not expected from a woman. Ass grabbing is a guy's thing normally. When a woman does it (when no one can see it) he interprets that she is saying, "I like the same things you guys like and I want yours right now!" You better be ready for some fast action after this move.

• When alone and doing pillow talk, lightly and studiously run your finger gently along her body contours and tell her how you like each little curve, bone, fold, and all else you may discover. Really study her body and admire it, no matter what shape it is in. Remember, every wrinkle, mole, mound of fat, wart, and damaged area is part of her unique map describing her life-long experiences. Admire and respect all that she has been through to be here with you at this moment in her life.

• When jumping into the bed for a quickie before going to sleep, change the usual scenario and tell her this time it is "all for her pleasure". (Yah, this is going to be hard for you guys! But sacrifice for once, and she will be ever so grateful.) Ask her what she would really like you to do to her body for her most pleasure. And don't be surprised if what she wants is a back rub or foot massage! Whatever it is, do it lovingly and for a long time until she is satisfied. And afterward, don't ask for anything from her. This time it is all for her. Really!

• Tell him to not move and to be quiet while you explore and study his body. Then move slowly from each of his facial details down to his center of power where guys live. You know where that is! As you closely examine each feature, caress and kiss it with great appreciation. The ears, the lips, the arm pits, the nipples, the belly button. Don't miss anything. Finish up by rubbing your body all over on his, and if you can find a nob to satisfy yourself on, go for it and insist he lay still. I bet he can't!
• Learn some foreign words of love that you can scream out during your climax (real or fake). He will be eager to make you climax each time just to see and hear your show.
• Tell him you are his slave and will do anything he commands. Ask him to give you directions for specific actions that will pleasure him anyway he likes - within reason. Then exchange roles and get what you have always wanted but were afraid to ask for!

Most women surveyed said they often fantasized forbidden sex during love-making. Women's fantasies usually deal with idealistic characters and environments where they are forced to do forbidden sex. Some women said they were stimulated by fantasizing forced sex as whores. Many of women's fantasies deal with being submissive, desired, and treated with great admiration.

Most men surveyed said they often fantasized images of naked women, and often being with more than one woman at a time. Many of men's fantasies deal with being powerful and in control of multiple women used for pure sexual pleasure.

Whether a woman extends her hand first for a handshake depends on the culture and environment. Recently in the U.S. it has become the custom in social situations for women to follow men's rules in handshaking. That means to make sure the right hand is free to shake hands, if extended. If a man doesn't extend his hand, the woman may extend hers for a handshake, if appropriate. This makes it clear that women and men are to be treated and respected equally. (Depends on where you are, but this sends a clear strong message that may scare some guys!) Here is what to watch for in a man's handshake if you are a woman:

• If he rotates your hand so his hand is over the top of yours (his palm facing down, forcing yours to face up in his) guess how he wants his body to be in relation to yours? This is a very controlling guy and he wants to "jump on your bones" right now. Watch out!
• Holding the two hands equally vertical shows a sense of equality between you both. If both of you have your hands vertical, then the strength of the grip is most revealing here.
  • Firm grip-- Has self-confidence. Takes care of himself. Sincere.
  • Weak grip-- Lack of confidence and insecure.
  • Limp grip and arm-- Wimp. Needs a lot of support to get things done. Looking for a "mother".
  • Swinging your hand side-to-side, instead of up and down-- Trying to disarm you for manipulation later.
  • Also watch to see if he makes eye contact and smiles, at least briefly. These are two friendly good signs. You should do the same.
  • If his eyes disconnect immediately looking off to the left or right, he is disinterested (or afraid) in really getting to know you and investing much of his own honest self in you.

Here is a little trick for woman to do when shaking hands with a man:
As you hold his hand firmly, after his comments ("Pleased-to-meetcha.") look him in the eye and make a more personal comment such as, "I really look forward to hearing about your ....." ) and at the same time that you are speaking, give his hand an added squeeze. Guaranteed you will get his attention and he will want to get with you privately as soon as possible. Not only is his ego stroked but also the extra flesh-on-flesh squeeze while he is listening will trigger his hormones flowing. That happens because that unusual and unexpected strong touch bypasses the cognitive areas of the brain, especially while he is looking and listening intently, and the message goes directly to the old brain center where sexuality is always percolating.

Everyone has a space around their body that is held sacred as their own private territory. We each have our own unwritten rules about how big our personal space is, who may enter our personal space, and how close they may approach. In formal situations the personal space is largest and most protected. Dominant animals and humans demand more space than the less dominant. How we guard and defend our personal space and how we approach or invade another person's space, is very revealing. It says much about our relationships, status, rank and dominance as we perceive it.

If a woman wants to make an impression on a man, all she has to do is purposely move into his personal space and touch him. Best place to touch him is on his arm, which is the least sexual area. Her actions will be very evident and usually will be a welcome surprise to him. Her unexpected actions send a message that says she does not follow the rules and she is an aggressive and independent woman. That will get his attention!

But now she must wait and see how he reacts. His reaction probably will be (or want to be) a sexual invitation that will come in many possible ways. From here it is up to the woman to handle his response however she desires. Now that she has opened the lion's cage she must deal with the freed wild animal.

Self-stroking is a comforting movement done during stressful situations. In this case in the presence of a man it indicates she is uncomfortable for some reason and needs calming, which the stroking does for her. In many (most?) encounters with men, women feel the men's sexual interest and desire to do more than just talk and look. In these cases the discomfort can get extreme for the woman and self-stroking her body can relieve some stress and calm her.

Self-stroking is frequently done by a person telling a lie. This is another situation where the lier is uncomfortable and needs to reduce his or her stress from lying and fear of getting caught.

Self-stroking is often done more consciously in flirting as a means of stimulating the other person. The strokes are well orchestrated to be erotic and are purposefully sexual stimulators. Often an object is slowly stroked, such as a wet glass, in a way that is also stimulating to both parties.

Tossing their hair around, stroking and combing it, and generally moving it away from face and shoulders to expose soft bare skin are strong signals that women use to attract men's attention.

Female flirting body language is generally movements of opening clothing and exposing bare skin or touching her hair. Flirting female body language to attract a man is always sexual because women know what men want. The message in female flirting body language is this: "I am female, healthy, sexual, open to you coming closer and I won't resist." Her smile says, "I won't hurt you."

Another great preening move men enjoy watching is for a woman to do things calling attention to her mouth. Licking her lips, putting on lipstick, or eating something slowly with obvious great pleasure is stimulating to men. Just watching her mouth makes men hungry for the smell and taste of all of her stimulating and delicious pheromones.

Slowly crossing or uncrossing her legs while gently stroking her thigh is unmistakable flirting body language. Another great move is for her to adjust clothing with loosening, opening or exposing movements to call attention to her body. If she is clever, she exposes some bare skin in the process. This is where the guy accidentally misses his mouth and pours his drink in his lap while trying 'not to look'.

The brief touch will appear casual, unpremeditated and 'accidental' rather than 'serious'. It may be a touch on the arm as she laughs at something he said, or it may be a pat on the back as a symbolic gesture of 'good job' after he tells a joke. In any case it is not accidental! Her strong DNA flirting program is saying to him, "I feel safe with you and I want you to come emotionally and physically closer." And consciously, or perhaps totally unconsciously, she will be waiting for a reply to her daring nonverbal flirting body language invitation. The man's reply to her invitation should be a return touch similar and equal in duration and pressure.

A woman's first casual touch on the man, followed immediately by his proper reply, opens the door for both to come emotionally and physically closer for a lot more fun! This moment is a giant leap forward in the relationship. The natural course of action from then on is to increase the frequency and quality of the touch as they explore each other emotionally and physically.

Touching is highly programmed into our old mammalian brain core and limbic system which comes from our animal ancestors even farther back than vertebrates. Touch encodes a primordial sense of closeness. The way a touch is given communicates easily and instantly, because the touch sensors deliver the message directly to many parts of the brain. Tactile messages are some of the brain's most real and reliable forms of relating to others.

Touch is one of the most important and enjoyable activities in flirting, dating, and relationships. You can learn a great deal from the first physical contact with a new acquaintance. His or her touch actually probes beneath casual words to true feelings. Touching another's body is the evolutionary true test of the relationship status. Since there are so many tactile nerve sensors connected directly to the brain, touching is one of the most meaningful and pleasurable experiences shared between two people.

Studies have suggested that women can use odor cues to select males who will increase chances for a healthy offspring. In 1995, Claus Wedekind of the University of Bern in Switzerland asked a group of women to smell some unwashed T-shirts worn by different men. The women were able to sniff the shirts and reject (said they were "offensive") those shirts worn by males closely related to themselves. The women were attracted to clothing that was worn by males with a very different immune system than their own. Presumably, this difference in immune systems allows the male and female to combine their defenses and give their offspring the best chances for survival. This research was repeated in the U.S. and Brazil with similar results. Men's nose is not so selective.

The overall unconscious "old-brain" influence when women talk to both men and women is to establish a good relationship to insure safety, protection, and survival. This is the way women have had to operate for millions of generations in order to insure the continuation of their DNA into future offspring. Prehistoric life was very dangerous and survival was a primary concern, especially to women. Good relationships helped women survive.

Relationships are built on communication, and historically this was by talking face-to-face. Unfortunately, men and women talk differently and that often breaks down the communication. When men talk, their "old-brain" DNA programming is striving for higher status and dominance over all other males so they can have greater access to females for breeding rights. This is the way men insured the continuation of their DNA into the future for millions of generations. Men still frequently show in their talking an effort to display their dominance.

Some differences between the way women and men talk:

• Women stick to one topic for a long time until all present have added their comments and feelings on that subject before moving to the next subject. Men want to express their own opinion and not hear the opinion of others. Men want to have the final word, especially with women.
• In decision making, women seek the input of all the other women present and make decisions based on the consensus of all present. Men try to make the final ruling, no matter what others think.
• In decision making, women prefer a group decision. Men want to show their high status by making their own decisions without input from others.
• Women reveal their feelings, private lives and relationships easily. Men hardly ever do! That would show their weaknesses and lower their status as a dominate male (in their mind).

Nearly everyone lies when it serves a need. In many cases we lie to protect a person's feelings, such as: "You look so much thinner since you cut down to only 5 hamburgers a week." We also lie periodically to avoid doing something we don't want to do, such as: "I can't go shopping with you because I have to take care of some important personal business." We also lie to increase our importance, such as: "I could have won the award but I didn't try so the little girl could win."

Women often lie to make others feel good. (That is a relationship need.)

Men often lie to make themselves look good. (That is a status need.)

Women who do not want a man's advances, and do not want him to approach, will quickly disconnect eye contact and look to their LEFT or RIGHT. They will not look down if they want to be left alone. Quickly looking left or right means they are not interested and definitely are not going to be passive if approached.

They often also turn their upper body away. At their deep unconscious level they are hiding their breasts from view and saying, "You can't see that I am a woman. Do not approach me." Any clueless guy approaching a woman sending these negative body language cues is setting himself up for a harsh and painful rejection!

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